Experiencing a Sense of Loss

KG/Elementary Counsellor: Letter 4 to SEISEN Families

Weekly letter: 20 April, 2020
Online Learning Week 6
by Veronica Gomes

Dear SEISEN Kindergarten and Elementary School Families,

Thank you to those parents who completed the Parent Survey.  If you have not and feel you would still like to please find the link here.  I plan to reach out to those of you who indicate that they are not managing too well in the current situation.

Today, I thought I’d talk about the sense of loss that every human being is experiencing.  The loss includes those of a loved one, particularly in countries like the USA and in Europe.  Globally people are experiencing a different sense of loss too.  I’m basing this discussion on the SCARF model by Cezar Danilevici.  For many of you as parents, you may be experiencing some of these feelings as you work from home.

1. Status – Your importance compared to others.
This refers to how your role may have changed.  At home, you are now both a parent and businessperson resulting in having to sort out where you belong and how to conduct yourself can be confusing!

2. Certainty – Predicting the future and the change.
As things are at the moment, we do not know what lies ahead.  This is frightening and for many of you an unknown experience because as adults we often have a sense of certainty as we plan on moving forward for and with our families.

3. Autonomy – The sense of control over events and the need to feel you have a choice.
We do not have the same control over our lives as we used to, we cannot have control of the unknown anyway but the Covid-19 virus highlights the sense of being out of control.  Our ability to choose has been severely limited too.

4. Relatedness – The sense of safety with others, where you feel part of the social group. Covid-19 has taken that sense of safety with others away.  We are required to practice social distancing and without meaning to, we may start to look at others as potential Covid-19 carriers.  In addition, we are unable to participate socially as before; families are alone and may be far away from the extended family.  Traditional celebrations including birthdays are spent alone or with the immediate family, this too causes a sense of loss because it is usually a time where friends and families gather together.

5. Fairness – The fair exchanges between people.
Things are unfair at the moment.  It’s not fair that the kids are not at school, it’s not fair that people are losing their jobs and that people cannot work as before and that businesses are closed and therefore not generating an income... This is difficult for all of us to understand.

I have included a short video called F.A.C.E. C.O.V.I.D. It is a 5-minute watch and includes more ideas for conquering these uncomfortable feelings in this unprecedented time.

As always, please remember I am an email away.  If you need to reach out please do so on my email address below!

Yours sincerely,
Veronica Gomes
vgomes@seisen.com